IX of Pentangles

The thing about that 9 of Pentangles and me realizing that I am nowhere near that 9. "It's a nice place to visit by I wouldn’t want to live there," so to speak, is part of the difference between C. and I. She lives in that 9. She is comfortable enjoying that luxury. Work is only a means of getting her to that place. People around her do their best to keep her in that place. She has learned to manipulate people around her to keep herself in that place. “I know my daughter is manipulative. People think I don’t see it, but I do. She learned it from a master,” B. said yesterday.

C. does work. She wouldn’t have gotten the full scholarship to QU if she didn’t work. But the work isn’t where her joy is. The work is the means to the ends. There has to be a pay off.

For me the results of the work, whatever I bring into being is the payoff. I guess this is where I fall short. What I’m struggling with at the moment, if in essence I already feel like I’ve been paid, why go through the effort of the next step and actually collect the 9th coin? Because that 9th coin is the profit that you get to invest to get to the happy family place in the 10 of coins, and that is where I really want to be so I can tap back into the source of the Ace for more inspiration and start the cycle all over again, create my next work.