Knight of Cups
What crosses me.
I'm inclined to deal with court cards as aspects of myself, but in this case I can't say it doesn't represent ~. He crosses me in so many ways at the moment. All the worst aspects of that at the moment-rash, thoughtless, self-centered, or as the LWB says
Subtlety, Artifice, Trickery, Swindling, Fraud.
All of that he has done, and that double-crossing has taken a toll on me.
Searching through my books for various meanings, I know I have to turn this back on myself. ~ does. According to him I am the thoughtless, self-centered one.
Greer pg. 76 talks about Jung's concept of projection. Putting your inner qualities on another whether they have those qualities or not.
So am I the self-centered one or is he? How about both of us? There's no doubt that he is these things. We wouldn't be in this situation if it was merely me projecting on him.
Am I? He suggested that all the trying and reaching for him was false. I wish I could remember exactly what he said. Basically, I am playing some twisted game of love, not really being loving.
The rush of love, that crosses me every time, trips me up. That knightly energy. ~ has it in the thrill seeking. I'm not a thrill seeker, except for that rush that comes with a new relationship. My favorite drug. Is this playing at love? I get that far and I don't know how to deepen it to something beyond the rush. Like a cactus, give me enough water and I blossom. The rest of the time I am a prickly, rooted thing that fends off all but the most persistent.
There's a Rhino on the Origin's card. I feel like I've been trampled.
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